Where has my heart been?
I recently went through some difficult things where God showed me something about my heart that I did not like seeing. I had an idol and it had to go. Saying goodbye to this idol meant giving God control of the situation which is a difficult thing to do. Even though I would much rather be ambiguous about what this was I feel like I should let you know.
Last fall I had a crush on a very nice man who happened to like me too. It was great, he loves the Lord, we did ministry together, we were a great team and one day he asked me to go on a date with him. Needless to say it was the best date I had ever been on. Two days later he told me that we could not continue going out because there were some things he needed to take care of in his spiritual life before he could be in a relationship. How could I be upset about that? I knew this was not the decision he wanted to make but the one that he needed to make. It made my respect for him grow that much more right along with my desire to be with him. Over the course of the next two months my heart sunk further and further into the a deep dark trench of self pity and confusion as we had to grow further and further apart so he could work on these things in his spiritual life. By Christmas I knew that nothing was going to happen between us and my heart was broken.
It wasn’t until a little while ago that God slapped me across the face and made me see that I was still at the bottom of the trench. I had long ago moved on from wanting to be with this man but I had not let God teach me, I had not let go of wanting to control my relationship status, I had not climbed out of the trench. I had made an idol out of being angry with God because I was lonely. I had forgotten that God truly is for me, that God is the only one I need and that there is nothing, no situation or event that God will not use for His glory and my good.
I knew that for a long time I had only been reading my Bible because I should be and that I had not been talking to God enough but I didn’t know why. Like I just said, God uses all things for our good and His glory so when my emotions were off kilter he showed me part of the inside of my heart and what I saw was unpleasant. Not only was I at the bottom of the trench still but my heart was still broken, messily mended by my foolish hands and a wad of scotch tape. It was a pitiful sight to behold.
Nine months, nine months and the only progress I had made on my heart was leaving a sticky residue from scotch tape that had sat in the fires of rebellion. Two weeks and God had removed the tape and residue and not only put my heart back together but now it was in better shape than it had been before being broken.
Of course I am still learning and I hope to be learning everyday for the rest of my earthly life but thanks be to God that I have made so much progress already.
There will be yet another post soon so hopefully I haven’t scared you off,
-Savanah
Ps. As always if you have a comment, praise, or prayer to share post it in the comments section below, thanks!
Last fall I had a crush on a very nice man who happened to like me too. It was great, he loves the Lord, we did ministry together, we were a great team and one day he asked me to go on a date with him. Needless to say it was the best date I had ever been on. Two days later he told me that we could not continue going out because there were some things he needed to take care of in his spiritual life before he could be in a relationship. How could I be upset about that? I knew this was not the decision he wanted to make but the one that he needed to make. It made my respect for him grow that much more right along with my desire to be with him. Over the course of the next two months my heart sunk further and further into the a deep dark trench of self pity and confusion as we had to grow further and further apart so he could work on these things in his spiritual life. By Christmas I knew that nothing was going to happen between us and my heart was broken.
It wasn’t until a little while ago that God slapped me across the face and made me see that I was still at the bottom of the trench. I had long ago moved on from wanting to be with this man but I had not let God teach me, I had not let go of wanting to control my relationship status, I had not climbed out of the trench. I had made an idol out of being angry with God because I was lonely. I had forgotten that God truly is for me, that God is the only one I need and that there is nothing, no situation or event that God will not use for His glory and my good.
I knew that for a long time I had only been reading my Bible because I should be and that I had not been talking to God enough but I didn’t know why. Like I just said, God uses all things for our good and His glory so when my emotions were off kilter he showed me part of the inside of my heart and what I saw was unpleasant. Not only was I at the bottom of the trench still but my heart was still broken, messily mended by my foolish hands and a wad of scotch tape. It was a pitiful sight to behold.
Nine months, nine months and the only progress I had made on my heart was leaving a sticky residue from scotch tape that had sat in the fires of rebellion. Two weeks and God had removed the tape and residue and not only put my heart back together but now it was in better shape than it had been before being broken.
Of course I am still learning and I hope to be learning everyday for the rest of my earthly life but thanks be to God that I have made so much progress already.
There will be yet another post soon so hopefully I haven’t scared you off,
-Savanah
Ps. As always if you have a comment, praise, or prayer to share post it in the comments section below, thanks!
Too bad my heart wasn't in this cup of coffee.
You write so visually!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I hadn't ever thought about it before but during editing I always find myself trying to get as much imagery in there as possible. lol
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